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Episode 133: Bullet to the Head
Tag : [five unexplained seconds of silence] Movie Summary : United Kingdom title: Bullet to the 'Ead Premise : New Orleans hitman Jimmy Bobo (Sylvester Stallone) kills a dirty cop, setting in motion a tale of revenge, counter-revenge, and reverse-counter-revenge involving a bad guy named Keegan (Khal Drogo). Story : It's a stripped-down action movie which features a magic police phone and quite a few guys getting bullets to the head. After about a million shootouts and no scrotums, Keegan kidnaps Bobo's tattoo artist daughter, which culminates in a final boss battle with fire axes. @7:20 S: There's no children in this movie. E: There are -- well, unless -- there's a character who's Sylvester Stallone's child, but she's grown up. D: Christian Slater still... S: And is she ever! E: Oh boy, is she grown up in all the right places! By which I mean her whole body. S: But still very petite. E: She is an adult-sized person. It's not like: : "Well, she's big in all the right places." : "Well you mean like, there are places where she's '''not' big and it's the weird wrong size? I don't understand. That's a weird thing to say."'' D: She's big in all the right places. By which I mean that she's proportional. E: Which I mean -- She doesn't have one tiny doll's hand. D: All the places that are supposed to be big are big, and all the small places are small. S: Now, for all the listeners out there that have one tiny doll hand... E: Look, there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. S: We're not trying to say... It's cool, man. E: Even if you have two tiny doll hands. S: I'll give you one tiny five and one high five. E: Hey, look. You're that -- S: I mean, my hand's not tiny. It's normal size. That's gross. E: You're making it worse! You're making it worse! Your hand would crush their hand! D: Abort! Abort! E: Look, you're that much closer to being Dollman. And being next to Dollman-ness is next to godliness. S: Yeah, if you had a little doll's hand you could hold Dollman's gun that explodes people. * scrotums @24:05 * "Pretty Stallone" @26:20 ** "NO MERCY." (Dan) @26:50 Follow Bullet to the Head with a bulleit to the mouth. A Bulleit® whiskey, that is! (Enjoy responsibly.) ---- Episode Highlights * Elliott discusses his painting Rowlf in the Rain @31:20 Special Celebrity Appearance * Unannounced arrival @20:00 * Reveals his diagnosis of Stallone's Disease @21:30 ** "It's not like Lou Gehrig discovered Lou Gehrig's disease!" (Stallone) @21:45 Special Celebrity Reappearance * Returns with three bags of TOSTITOS® Original Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips. @37:50 * Discusses his painting A Bullet to Rowlf's Head @39:45 * "Look at this -- I'm shredded like a Ninja Turtle! I got abs like lettuce! I'm like if beef jerky had muscles!" (Stallone) @39:00 Final Judgments * Between Bad-Bad and a Movie I Kinda Liked (Stuart) @43:10 * Movie I Kinda Liked (Dan) @43:30 * Movie I Kinda Liked (Elliott) @44:05 Tangents * Werner Herzog impressions @00:35 * Butt Privates by Laurel & Hardy @33:50 * butts @34:15 * Seven Pounds @59:55 Movie Pitches * Carrie Potter @10:45 * A.T.T. PD @22:45 * The Mamataur @1:00:40 * Throw Minotaur from the Train @1:01:10 Quotes * "Send that fuckface '''back to Krypton!" (Stuart) @2:40 * "Mice don't live very long when they're solving mysteries and making powerful enemies." (Elliott) @4:30 * "There are scenes in [Rambo] where Stallone just looks like '''a bear with a human head running through the jungle. ... He's like running through a tunnel underneath a bridge, and it looks like Frankenstein's Monster has escaped from the lab." (Elliott) @5:25 * "This is not what Parade magazine promised!" (Elliott) @32:45 * "This is, without a doubt, the dumbest thing that's ever been said on this podcast." (Elliott) @34:30 * "Oh, God..." (Dan) @49:55 * "You have no motive for killing a minotaur!" (Dan) @1:01:15 Listener Mail Mailbag Song * "I'm back from the war, I'm a letter. Saw some things that I wish I could forget. Time to unload on the Flophouse guys." @46:25 * "My master was killed. I'm a letter in feudal Japan. Now I have to get revenge, then seppuku. But first: the Flop House! Can you save me from Bushido?" @46:35 : "Think of the Children" from Spencer Lastnamewithheld @46:45 :: Melanie Griffith's boobs are discussed. : "A Chance for a Mutual M.C. Gainey" from Scott Meeker @50:00 :: Tales of the Smoking Chihuahua : "Letters... You've Got" from Sarah Lastnamewithheld @52:40 Recommendations * Big Brown Eyes (1936) by Raoul Walsh (Dan) @55:25 * Close-Up (1990) by Abbas Kiarostami (Elliott) @59:55 * The Queen of Versailles (2012) by Lauren Greenfield (Stuart) @57:30 Category:Episodes Category:Sylvester Stallone